Growth?

This year has sucked. I guess a more positive way to put it would be that it is a year of growth. It has been an emotional year that I can only hope has catapulted me into creating my own life that will make me more fulfilled and more of the person I know i can be and want to be. 2 friends of mine lost their lives this year, I have lost 2 more to who knows why... but it's still a mourning process. I have gotten out of a 3 year co-dependent relationship and have learned to live and love living alone. My nephew whom I'm very close to has joined the Marines and is off living his dream, very far away from home. I have had more health problems this year than I ever have. My best friend moved across the country yesterday. Despite the incredible loss I've felt lately, it doesn't make me seek companionship with others, it is doing the opposite and I continue to be ok with that. I feel like I am trapped in a life that is not mine. It's a life I don't want to keep living. I have plans. I have goals. I feel beaten down and the only reason I'm not completely down is because of that awesome kid of mine that keeps my head on straight (or is straight as I can get)